Nobody wants to talk about death at dinner.
But Sarah Martinez wishes her family had.
When her father collapsed from a sudden stroke at 68, Sarah and her two brothers found themselves in a hospital conference room, forced to make impossible decisions. Did Dad want to be on life support? Nobody knew. Who was supposed to make medical decisions? All three siblings thought they were in charge, for different but equally valid reasons. When died, there were even more unanswered questions: What about the house, the business, the funeral arrangements he’d mentioned “handling someday”?
The decisions that should have taken minutes took months. The family that had gathered for every holiday stopped speaking for two years. The estate that could have transferred smoothly became a legal nightmare that cost more than the inheritance itself and wore them all down. Four years later, much of it is still stuck in probate.
All because of conversations that never happened.
What If There Was a Better Way?
There is. It’s called Setting the Table, and it’s exactly what it sounds like: a family dinner where the difficult conversations finally happen, guided by someone who knows how to make them work.
I’m Michelle, and I’m a licensed funeral director, certified grief counselor, and end-of-life planning expert. For over twenty years, I’ve watched families be torn apart over questions that could have been answered in a single evening. I’ve seen siblings stop speaking, estates drain in legal fees, and final wishes go unfulfilled simply because nobody knew what they were.
Setting the Table changes that equation entirely.
Why Family End-of-Life Planning Fails (And How We Fix It)
Most families know they should discuss end-of-life wishes. According to research, over 90% of Americans believe these conversations are important. Yet only 27% have actually had them.
Why the gap?
The obstacles are real:
- Nobody wants to be the one to bring it up
- Emotions run too high without structure
- People don’t know what questions to ask
- Family dynamics make honest conversation difficult
- It feels morbid, uncomfortable, awkward
- Everyone assumes there’s more time
- Superstition is powerful, if untrue
These aren’t excuses. These are legitimate barriers that keep well-intentioned families from protecting themselves.
Setting the Table removes every single one of these barriers.
Here’s how:
You don’t have to figure out how to start the conversation—I do that. You don’t have to know what questions to ask: I bring two decades of experience knowing exactly what families wish they’d discussed. You don’t have to navigate the emotional landmines alone—I’m trained specifically in grief counseling, crisis communications and family systems. And you don’t have to wonder if you’ve covered everything, because I make sure nothing critical gets missed.
What Makes Setting the Table Different From Everything Else
This isn’t a legal consultation. It’s not therapy. It’s not a financial planning session.
It’s the conversation that makes all of those things possible.
Setting the Table is unique because it combines three distinct areas of expertise in one facilitated experience:
1. Funeral Industry Knowledge
As a licensed funeral director, I know exactly what decisions families face when someone dies, what they cost, what options exist, and what wishes are actually enforceable versus what’s just wishful thinking. I can tell you the difference between burial and green burial, explain alternatives to cremation you didn’t know existed, and help you understand what “a simple service” actually means in practice.
2. Grief Counseling Expertise
The reason families can’t have these conversations on their own isn’t lack of information, it’s often the emotional weight. As a certified grief counselor, I create the psychological safety needed for people to speak honestly about fears, hopes, and the reality of mortality. I know how to hold space for tears, navigate family conflict, and help people say what they’ve been afraid to say.
3. End-of-Life Planning Experience
This isn’t just about funerals. It’s about quality of life, medical decision-making, long-term care, asset distribution, and legacy. I guide families through advance directives, healthcare proxy decisions, living wills, and the dozens of micro-decisions that add up to a comprehensive plan. Then I connect you with the legal and financial professionals who can execute what we’ve discussed.
No one else does all three.
Estate planning attorneys focus on documents. Financial advisors focus on assets. Therapists focus on emotions. Funeral directors usually meet you after someone has died.
I meet you before—when there’s still time to get it right.
Who Setting the Table Is For
For Families Planning Proactively
You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis, a health scare, or advanced age to have these conversations.
Setting the Table is for families who want to plan responsibly:
- Adult children who want their aging parents’ wishes documented clearly
- Parents who need help communicating difficult topics to adult children who don’t want to hear them
- Couples preparing for the future together
- Blended families navigating complex dynamics
- Anyone who’s watched another family fall apart and thought, “Not us. Not like that.”
The best time to have this conversation is before you need to. The second-best time is now.
For Families Facing Urgent Situations
Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of “someday.”
Setting the Table also serves families dealing with:
- Recent serious diagnosis requiring immediate planning
- Rapid health decline in an aging parent
- Family conflict that’s escalating and needs neutral facilitation
- Estranged family members who need to come together for practical planning
- Time-sensitive decisions around long-term care placement
If your situation is urgent, we can move quickly. Virtual sessions can be scheduled within days. In-person sessions can often be arranged within a week.
How Setting the Table Works
The Full Experience: Setting the Table Dinner Series
Most families benefit from our complete three-session package:
Session 1: Breaking the Ice (2-2.5 hours)
We start with the foundation—establishing trust, setting ground rules, and covering the “easier” topics first. Burial, cremation or something else? Who should be notified when something happens? What does a meaningful service look like? Families leave this session realizing how much they didn’t know about each other’s wishes—and hungry to keep going.
Session 2: The Harder Conversations (2.5-3 hours)
This is where we go deep: medical decision-making, advance directives, long-term care preferences, definitions of quality of life. What does “do everything” actually mean? What does “don’t let me suffer” look like in practice? Who makes the call if there’s disagreement? This session is where your family dynamics show up, and where my grief counseling expertise becomes essential.
Session 3: Making It Real (2 hours)
We review what’s been decided, confirm that everyone is clear, discuss next steps with legal and financial professionals, and address any remaining questions. We also make space for the legacy conversation: What do you want to be remembered for? What values do you want to pass on? This session often feels less like planning and more like honoring—a celebration of getting it done.
For families who complete all three sessions:
You’ll have documented wishes, a clear action plan, professional referrals, and—most importantly—the peace of mind that comes from knowing your family won’t be guessing when it matters most.
The Single Dinner Experience
Not every family needs three sessions to get clarity—some can accomplish everything in one focused evening. Our single Setting the Table dinner brings the same expert facilitation, comprehensive planning, and family-centered approach, condensed into one intensive 2.5-3 hour session. We’ll cover the essential topics your family needs to address: medical decisions, funeral wishes, long-term care preferences, family roles, and next steps with professional referrals. You’ll leave with documented wishes, planning worksheets, and a clear path forward.
For all Setting the Table dinner experiences—whether single session or three-session series—you can elevate the evening with optional upgrades: Add a private chef who prepares a beautiful meal in your home ($250/person), allowing everyone to focus entirely on the conversation without the stress of cooking or coordinating takeout. Or enhance the atmosphere with our curated wine pairing service ($100/person), featuring three thoughtfully selected wines that create a warm, relaxed setting for honest conversation. These upgrades transform an important family meeting into a memorable occasion that honors the significance of what you’re accomplishing together.
The Streamlined Option: The Essential Conversation
Not every family needs the full , three dinner experience. Some just need to get their planning done efficiently.
The Essential Conversation is a focused 90-120 minute session designed for individuals or couples (maximum 2 people planning) with the option to include up to 2 additional family members as listeners—typically adult children who need to understand the plan.
This is business-focused: no dinner, no wine service, no extended family gathering. Just professional facilitation, comprehensive worksheets, and a clear action plan for executing your wishes.
Perfect for:
- Couples who want to plan together quickly
- Individuals who’ve been putting this off and need accountability
- Families who prefer a straightforward, no-frills approach
- Anyone who just needs to get it done
Available Wherever You Are
In-Person Services
I personally serve families in:
- Hudson Valley, New York (my home base)
- NYC Metro Area (all five boroughs, Westchester, Fairfield surrounding counties)
- Philadelphia Metro Area (city and Bucks County)
For these regions, I come to your home, sit at your table, and facilitate the conversation in the comfort of your own space.
Expanded National Network
Through my network of carefully vetted, licensed funeral directors, Setting the Table is also available in:
- Washington, DC Metro Area
- Tampa Bay, Florida
- Greater Philadelphia Metro Area
These partners share my philosophy, training approach, and commitment to facilitating these conversations with expertise and care. Private chef and wine upgrades are available in all markets.
Virtual Sessions (Nationwide)
Geography doesn’t have to be a barrier. Virtual Setting the Table sessions work beautifully for:
- Families spread across multiple states who need to plan together
- Adult children who live far from aging parents
- Anyone who prefers the convenience of video facilitation
- Families with mobility limitations
Virtual sessions include the same expert facilitation, comprehensive materials, and follow-up support as in-person experiences. The only difference is the medium—the quality and outcomes remain identical.
What You’ll Walk Away With
By the end of your Setting the Table experience, your family will have:
✓ Crystal-clear documentation of wishes — No more guessing, assuming, or “I think Mom wanted…”
✓ Defined roles and responsibilities — Everyone knows who’s in charge of what when crisis hits
✓ Advance directive clarity — Medical decisions are documented and legally sound
✓ Funeral and disposition plans — Preferences are known, preventing family conflict during grief
✓ Long-term care discussions completed — Quality of life definitions are clear
✓ Financial and legal next steps — Referrals to trusted professionals who can execute the plan
✓ Reduced family anxiety — The weight of “we need to talk about this someday” is lifted
✓ Stronger family bonds — Having hard conversations together builds trust and intimacy
✓ Peace of mind — You’ve done what most families never do
✓ Preparation — The more comfortable and prepared your family is, the better they will be able to navigate a crisis when it occurs
The Real Cost of Waiting
Let’s talk about what happens when families don’t have these conversations.
The financial cost:
Contested estates can cost tens of thousands in legal fees. Family disputes over medical decisions can drain resources during the exact moment you can least afford it. When funerals planned in crisis mode, without knowing someone’s wishes, families often choose more expensive options, and the money doesn’t even go toward what the person wanted. Estates can often be protected from significant medical expenses, but only if protections are put in place long before illness occurs.
The emotional cost:
I’ve watched siblings who grew up together stop speaking for years—sometimes forever—over decisions that could have been clarified in one evening. I’ve seen adult children wracked with guilt, wondering if they “did the right thing” when pulling the plug on life support, simply because they never asked what their parent wanted. I’ve witnessed families torn apart arguing over burial versus cremation when a simple conversation would have given them the answer.
The time cost:
Hours in hospital conference rooms. Weeks of back-and-forth with lawyers. Months of family mediation. Years of estrangement. All because of a conversation that takes one evening.
The opportunity cost:
Every day you wait is another day your family doesn’t have clarity. Another day where a sudden health event or accident could force decisions under the worst possible circumstances. Another day where preventable conflict is one crisis away.
Setting the Table isn’t an expense. It’s insurance against the most devastating conflicts families face—and unlike insurance, you’re guaranteed to use it.
What This Isn’t
Let me be clear about what Setting the Table doesn’t do:
❌ This isn’t legal advice. I don’t draft wills or trusts. I help you clarify what you want so that when you meet with your attorney, you know exactly what to ask for. I provide referrals to excellent estate planning lawyers who can execute your wishes legally.
❌ This isn’t financial planning. I don’t manage assets or create investment strategies. I help you think through how you want things handled so that when you meet with your financial advisor, you have clarity about your goals.
❌ This isn’t therapy. While I’m trained in grief counseling and create therapeutic space, this is a planning conversation, not ongoing mental health treatment.
❌ This isn’t a sales pitch. I’m not trying to sell you a funeral package or pre-need arrangements (although we discuss those, and I can help you make those plans if you want to). I’m facilitating the conversations that let YOU decide what you want.
What it IS: The bridge between knowing you should plan and actually having a plan. The structure that makes impossible conversations possible. The expertise that ensures nothing critical gets missed.
Ready to Gather Your Family?
The families who benefit most from Setting the Table share one thing in common: they’re willing to be brave for one evening to protect decades of family relationships.
That’s all it takes. One evening. One conversation. One decision to do what most families only wish they’d done.
You can book your Setting the Table experience right now—whether you want the full dinner series, a streamlined Essential Conversation, or you’re not sure which option fits your family best.
Questions before you book? Every confirmation email comes directly to me. Hit reply and tell me about your family, your concerns, or what you’re hoping to accomplish. I personally respond to every inquiry.
Not quite ready? I get it. Download our free planning checklist below to see what questions your family should be discussing—and when you’re ready to have those conversations with expert support, we’ll be here.
Check for yourself: The Essential End-of-Life Planning Checklist
Use this checklist to assess what your family has discussed—and what you’re missing.
Medical Decision-Making
☐ Healthcare proxy designated and documented
☐ Backup healthcare proxy identified
☐ Living will or advance directive completed
☐ DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) preferences discussed
☐ Life support wishes clearly stated
☐ Organ donation preferences documented
☐ Pain management and comfort care preferences discussed
☐ Definition of “quality of life” articulated
☐ Hospital/facility preferences noted
☐ Medical information location documented
End-of-Life Care Preferences
☐ Long-term care preferences discussed (home care vs. facility)
☐ Assisted living or nursing home preferences identified
☐ Hospice care wishes discussed
☐ Who will be primary caregiver (if applicable)
☐ Financial resources for care identified
☐ Medicaid planning considered (if relevant)
☐ Where end-of-life should take place and what it looks like
Funeral and Burial Planning
☐ Burial, cremation, terramation, aquamation, entombment or anatomical donation? Decisions made and documented
☐ Specific cemetery or crematory identified
☐ Burial plot purchased (or plan identified)
☐ Funeral home preference noted
☐ Type of service desired (religious, secular, celebration of life)
☐ Specific service requests documented (music, readings, speakers)
☐ Obituary preferences or draft prepared
☐ Funeral budget discussed
☐ Pre-need arrangements discussed and understood
Legal and Financial Planning
☐ Will drafted and signed
☐ Trust established (if appropriate)
☐ Power of attorney designated
☐ Beneficiaries updated on all accounts
☐ Life insurance policies documented
☐ Digital asset access plan created
☐ Important documents location known to family
☐ Safe deposit box access arranged
☐ Tax planning for estate discussed
☐ Executor or trustee designated
☐ Guardians for minor children designated
Family Communication
☐ All adult children aware of plans
☐ Siblings in agreement about roles
☐ Estranged family members contacted (if desired)
☐ Family meeting held to discuss wishes
☐ Potential conflicts identified and addressed
☐ Plans documented in writing and shared
Professional Referrals Needed
☐ Estate planning attorney
☐ Financial advisor/planner
☐ Accountant (for tax planning)
☐ Elder law attorney (if applicable)
☐ Geriatric care manager
☐ Insurance specialist
Digital Legacy
☐ Social media account plans (memorialize or delete)
☐ Email account access arranged
☐ Online banking access documented
☐ Password manager information shared
☐ Digital photos/documents backed up and accessible
☐ Cryptocurrency access planned (if applicable)
Personal Wishes and Legacy
☐ Values and life lessons articulated
☐ Family history recorded
☐ Personal belongings distribution discussed
☐ Sentimental items identified
☐ Letters or messages prepared for loved ones
☐ Charitable giving wishes documented
☐ Memorial or celebration preferences stated
How many boxes did your family check?
If you have more than 10 items unchecked, your family would benefit from Setting the Table. If you have more than 20 items unchecked, this conversation is urgent.
Book your Setting the Table experience today and turn this checklist from overwhelming to complete.
About Michelle and The Death Expert
Michelle is a third-generation licensed funeral director with over two decades of experience serving families in New York State. As a certified grief counselor and end-of-life planning expert, she combines funeral industry knowledge, therapeutic expertise, and practical planning skills to help families have the conversations that prevent crisis.
Through Setting the Table, Michelle has helped hundreds of families create clarity, prevent conflict, and ensure that final wishes are honored. She serves families in the Hudson Valley, NYC Metro area, and Philadelphia region in person, with virtual services available nationwide through her network of vetted funeral director partners.
Ready to have the conversation? [Book Setting the Table] || [Contact Michelle]